If she is sincere with you, and you are loyal to her, and you both feel that you can spend your lives together, you should go ahead, says rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur.
No one plans to fall in love.
What happens if you fall in love with an older colleague who is divorced or separated from their partner?
How do you deal with minor conflicts and differences in the relationship -- the emotional baggage, the social and cultural differences?
And what happens when the initial spark begins to fade?
Is it okay to continue in the relationship and take it to the next level?
"Relationships are very sensitive," says rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur, an experienced medical professional and therapist based out of Amritsar.
"The decision to marry someone is an important one. It should be taken with a lot of patience so that you don't regret it later," she counsels a male reader who is confused about his relationship with an older, married co-worker.
Anonymous: I am in a relationship with a girl for the past two years.
We have a lot of differences -- she is more than three years older than me, our castes are different, she is Marathi and I am non-Marathi. But apart from all this, she has just been legally divorced in court.
Until now, she had been living separately from her ex-husband.
She had an affair for about 10 years with him but they started living separately just eight months after marriage.
When I met this girl, we both fell in love. But there were two or three mistakes from my side during the first year of our relationship. I lied about small things, thinking she would get hurt if she knew the truth.
I haven't cheated; not even talked about personal things with any other girl. And for the last one year, I have been as honest as anyone can be.
But I feel she is not like she used to be.
I don't know if I can even call this a relationship anymore.
Since we are colleagues, we talk in the office, we go out for dinner and we still share a lot of personal things. But that spark is not there.
I once wanted to marry this girl. What should I do now?
Sir, since relationships are very sensitive and the decision to marry someone is an important one, it should be taken with a lot of patience so that you don't regret it later.
Regarding what you said -- that she has changed -- she may have changed because of your lies. I appreciate that you are now honest with her.
A spark needs to be created; it will not remain without effort.
If she is sincere with you, and you are loyal to her, and you both feel that you can spend your lives together, you should go ahead. Nobody remains the same throughout life; changes always come.
Sit patiently with your friend, discuss the options and see if you both want to get married. Then take a decision.
I hope this solves your problem.
Take care!
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