How To Work With A Colleague You Dislike

Clear boundaries are very important for keeping healthy workplace relationships.
Whenever certain behaviour or interactions feel uncomfortable, define what works and communicate these boundaries clearly and assertively, advises Sonica Aron, founder of the HR consultancy firm, Marching Sheep.

• How to deal with difficult co-workers? Ask rediffGURUS HERE.

We all are working with people coming from different backgrounds; each one of us has different experiences, perspectives and our own ways of working.

Diversity will always drive innovation and creativity but also trigger challenges whenever one is interacting with co-workers who have different approaches or personalities from ours.

It's natural that not every interaction will be smooth; at times, one may find oneself not liking or agreeing with certain co-workers.

Understanding how to navigate these differences is essential for maintaining a harmonious and productive work environment. It's not just about avoiding conflict; it's about learning and growing from these differences.

Firstly, let's acknowledge the fact that diversity is strength. It results in new ideas, new perspectives and interesting ways of thinking.

When we encounter co-workers with whom we disagree, it does not necessarily mean that we cannot get along with them.

If we differentiate between the idea, concept or thought and the individual, we can still be friends and agree to disagree on specific issues. This ensures that in a diverse team, people can be their authentic selves, can openly share their unique perspectives and collaborate.

Having said that, it's easier said than done. Often, minor difference of opinions can escalate into full blown arguments, cold wars and long term non-cooperation.

This can adversely impact not just a team's or an organisation's performance but has an adverse impact on individuals in terms of how they are perceived as well as the stress they face as a result.

How can we effectively deal with this situation?

The starting point is to build self-awareness about our emotions and what other people are feeling and using this awareness to manage interactions judiciously and empathetically.

Many times, the discomfort with a colleague is due to certain misunderstandings or preconceived notions.

Take time to understand why you are uncomfortable with a co-worker; this can reveal that frustration with a particular co-worker was due to a specific incident where that person's direct communication style conflicted with your preferred style.

Such an acknowledgment, without judgment, will let us approach the entire situation objectively and not personalise it. It will allow you to respond to the same colleague more calmly in future interactions.

Self-reflection helps us realise our emotions are valid but may not fully capture the other person's intentions, paving the way for a more collaborative and respectful work environment.

The second aspect is to understand overall team dynamics.

Every team has its own dynamics due to interaction between different personalities, roles or relationships between individuals. People have different styles of working, receiving or giving information, communication and so on.

These differences can sometimes lead to misunderstandings or conflicts.

Transparent communication and ensuring everyone has an opportunity to speak without fear can lead to a collaborative team environment.

In a professional environment, despite all the personal differences, everyone is working towards the same organisational goals. Instead of focusing on what divides us, we can look at what unites us -- our shared goals and aspirations within the workplace.

When disagreements arise, remind yourself and your co-worker of the common purpose you both serve.

Here are few tips to deal with this situation effectively:

1. Do not jump to conclusions

One needs to keep an open mind, especially in a diverse workplace.

It's easy to make rash judgments about what a co-worker is doing or what they say. But when you step back and take into account multiple perspectives, you learn more about their perspective.

Everyone has their own story, built through experiences, and one may realise that there is some value in the other person's side of the argument.

By keeping an open mind, you make room for empathy and growth and this leads to meaningful and productive interactions.

2. Set clear boundaries

Clear boundaries are very important for keeping healthy workplace relationships.

Whenever certain behaviours or interactions feel uncomfortable, define what works and communicate these boundaries clearly and assertively.

This helps build a workplace where people respect each other and there personal preferences and boundaries.

3. Practise active listening

Active listening is more than just listening to words; it meaning understanding the intent and the emotions that go with them.

In case of an argument, do not listen to respond; listen to understand.

This means listening attentively to your colleague, observing facial expressions, gestures, acknowledging their emotions and then responding with thoughtfulness and a mindset that wants to work towards a solution.

4. Use 'I' statements

In a conflict, it's important to confront the other person directly but respectfully.

Using 'I' statements enables us to say how we feel about the given behaviour without blaming others, generalising or externalising.

For instance, instead of saying 'You never listen,' we may say 'I feel overlooked when my ideas aren't acknowledged.' Supporting your concerns with anecdotal evidence will help people understand and acknowledge your point of view.

5. Seek to understand, not to win

Conflicts tend to worsen when the goal is to win instead of to understand.

Whenever conflicts arise, it's easy to want to win the argument but when everyone wants to win, there is no resolution.

Instead, seek to engage in disagreements for the purpose of understanding the other person's perspective and arrive at a win-win. That converts confrontations into opportunities for learning and growth.

6. Find a mediator

If you feel a problem cannot be easily resolved, you can ask for the intervention of a neutral third party such as a mutual friend, colleague or even a supervisor or HR representative.

A mediator can ensure balanced discussions where both parties have a proper opportunity to be heard and can together work toward a fair and effective resolution.

This action is helpful when emotions are running high and a neutral viewpoint is required for a constructive solution.

7. Focus on behaviour, not personalities

When addressing issues, it's crucial to focus on specific behaviours rather than personal characteristics to maintain objectivity and reduce personal offence.

For example, 'You are irresponsible' can reworded as 'When things get delayed, it impacts our project schedule.'

This keeps the conversation productive and centred on the behaviour and the consequences of such behaviour instead of becoming a personal attack.

8. Empathy

Any relationship in the workplace requires empathy; this means putting yourself in the other person's shoes or looking at things from another person's perspective.

When we spend time considering our co-worker's point of view, we open the door for meaningful conversations.

Rather than assuming a negative intent behind what they do, we can ask questions and really listen. This not only helps us build rapport but also encourages a more collaborative atmosphere.

9. Reflect and adapt

Regular reflection in your interactions can help you understand where you need to make improvements.

Think of the situation for a moment. What went well in this conversation? What did not?

Maybe you remained calm even when things got heated or you interrupted the other person more than you should have.

Identify such instances so you can use them as lessons and work on your approach.

These are the steps to continuous improvement which might help you better deal with tough colleagues.

Many successful people use journaling regularly as a process for reflection.

10. Be patient

Change does not always take place immediately for everyone.

We have to understand that, with patience and over time, we can develop mutual respect for each another.

It is a fact that all human beings have their own tempo for adjusting to new changes in the workplace so we have work on this relentlessly.

We need to acknowledge that today's workforce is diverse -- not just in terms of gender but also generations, races, geographies and cognitive approaches.

Each individual brings their own unique experiences and perspectives to the table.

Given this diversity and the ease with which information is shared and accessed online, it's inevitable that we will come across colleagues we don't agree with.

Instead of cutting off these interactions or avoiding arguments, which is impractical, we need to adapt and manage these relationships with empathy and care.

By following the steps mentioned above, you can handle such situations more effectively.

You don't need to implement all 10 tips at once; start with one or two that resonate with you and gradually incorporate the others.

Take small, manageable steps and keep learning throughout the journey. This will help in building stronger relationships, enhance your emotional intelligence and create a more inclusive and respectful work environment for everyone.

By fostering mutual understanding and respect, we can thrive together in a workplace that celebrates diversity and values each individual’s contribution.

• How to deal with difficult co-workers? Ask rediffGURUS HERE.