If there is uncertainty in the relationship, communicating that is the right thing.
To keep someone waiting in the wings is selfish, says rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating Web site.
Being in love can bring out the best in us.
But it can also bring out the unpleasant side -- traits we are not so proud of.
There are some usual suspects like ghosting, in which the partner may disappear without notice.
Unfortunately, the subtle ones are more difficult to identify and tackle.
For instance, have you heard of pocketing?
Sometimes, we suddenly find these traits sneaking up in our actions or in our partner's. Either way, understanding them can help deal with them more easily.
Here are the five lesser-known toxic relationships traits.
If you recognise these signs in you or your partner, here's what you can do to fix them.
1. Pocketing
As the name suggests, pocketing is practically keeping your partner away from the other people in your life -- it can be from family, friends or social media.
The reasons behind this act are myriad.
Some people are merely waiting for the right time to present their partners; others might be confused or unsure of how their social circle will react.
No matter the intention, it's critical to understand that tucking a person away never sends a positive message.
Pocketing will always lead to inevitable conflicts.
It leaves the partner feeling undervalued or, in the worst scenario, the feeling that they are not good enough to be flaunted can easily creep into their mind.
While it looks harmless, pocketing can cause a serious emotional rift in a relationship.
There are easy ways to stop this toxic trait from growing.
As soon as you see signs of pocketing in a relationship, the pocketer must ask themselves, 'Why am I trying to keep the relationship a secret?'
The issue -- whether it is a fear of commitment or uncertainty -- can be identified and handled better.
2. Cookie-jarring
Who doesn't have a backup plan?
If we are 40 and still single, there's this one friend we have a pact to marry.
But a plan for a distant imaginary future is one thing and having someone on standby, just in case the present relationship doesn't work out, is an entirely different matter.
Treating your relationships as if you have a cookie in hand and a spare one for later never pans out well.
To make things worse, the 'backup' in cookie-jarring is never aware that they are a mere backup.
It takes a toll on the primary partner and the plan B's self-esteem once they figure this out.
Essentially, relationships cannot handle safety nets; it works only when two people are all in.
The best way to avoid such a situation is to be honest.
If there is uncertainty in the relationship, communicating that is the right thing.
To keep someone waiting in the wings is selfish.
3. Kitten-fishing
You may have heard of catfishing. But did you hear of its equally harmful, distant cousin -- kitten-fishing?
The latter is sneaky and equally deceptive.
Some people tweak small but important details about themselves to be more likable -- for instance, editing or lying about their height, job, education qualification, etc.
These small lies start off as harmless but eventually chip away at the trust in a relationship.
Moreover what is trivial to one might be an important deciding factor for another.
When the truth comes out eventually, the other person is left feeling cheated.
If you catch yourself tempted to kitten-fish, remember that real connections are built only when you put forth your authentic self.
Faking it to make someone fall for you leads them to love your idealised version, not the real you.
4. Dream-dropping
There's always this one person who loves to shower promises (terms and conditions applied) like confetti.
'I can see us growing old together...' 'Let's move in after a year and adopt a dog...' The promises go on...
It's all good till the pyramid of promises crumble as spectacularly as it was built. And the person on the receiving end, who invested in this dream future, is left disappointed.
A little bit of dreaming is essential to keep the spark alive but daydreaming out loud to impress someone can do more harm than good.
Stop writing verbal cheques that your actions can't cash in reality.
Instead of promising the moon, plan something realistic.
Maybe a short weekend trip, just the two of you? It's doable and romantic too.
5. Breadcrumbing
A classic move when you drop just enough crumbs of attention to keep someone interested but never the entire bread that would satiate their emotional hunger. More than toxic, it is a manipulative trait.
Think of it like inviting someone for a three-course meal and serving them only the appetiser, or worse, just crumbs of it.
Breadcrumbing leaves the receiver in a constant state of confusion and hope that someday they can have it all.
Worse, it can lead to frustration and insecurity in receiver.
If you are not entirely interested in someone, instead of playing Hansel and Gretel, be an adult and let them know your real intent so that they can find a full course of love somewhere else.
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