rediffGURU Dr Aarti Bakshi, a psychologist and school counsellor helps you understand and improve your relationship with your child.
Does your child have anger issues?
Does s/he dislike doing his/her homework?
Are you parents to a child/children with special needs?
Do you need expert advice on how you can understand and help your child better?
rediffGURU Dr Aarti Bakshi is a psychologist licensed by the Rehabilitation Council of India and a school counsellor who has worked for 15 years with young adults.
She has a PhD degree in developmental psychology from the Global Institute of Healthcare Management and a PhD degree clinical psychology from Singhania University.
Dr Aarti is on the CBSE panel for counsellors and special educators. She collaborates with SAAR Education to help children develop life skills and has authored SEL (social emotional learning) journals for classes I to VIII.
Anonymous: My kid with mild autism keeps throwing objects out of house window.
I understand that there is no medicine. But is there any trick or technique using which I can stop his habit politely?
Dear Parent, a few suggestions you can try:
1. Visual Schedule and Choice Board
Create a visual schedule and choice board for your son.
This will provide a clear structure and routine for him, reducing anxiety and the need for escape behaviours.
Include preferred activities and breaks in the schedule to motivate him.
When he shows signs of wanting to throw something out of the window, redirect his attention to the visual schedule or choice board, allowing him to make a choice about the activity he would like to engage in.
2. Sensory Breaks
Provide him with sensory breaks throughout the day. This can include using sensory tools such as fidget toys, stress balls or sensory bins.
These sensory breaks can help the child to regulate his sensory needs and reduce the urge to throw things out of the window.
Teach him to use these sensory tools as a replacement behaviour when he feels the need to throw something.
3. Social Stories
Create and use social stories to teach your child appropriate behaviour and alternatives to throwing things out of the window.
The social stories should include visuals and simple language to explain why throwing things out of the window is not safe and the consequences it may have.
Reinforce positive behaviour and provide praise when your son chooses an appropriate alternative behaviour, such as asking for help or using a sensory tool.
4. Communication Support
Implement a communication support system as a family, such as a picture exchange communication system (PECS) or a communication app on a tablet.
This will allow him to express his needs and desires without resorting to throwing things out of the window. Provide positive reinforcement when he uses it appropriately.
5. Environmental Modifications
Make modifications to the environment to reduce the likelihood of your son throwing things out of the window. This can include securing windows with childproof locks or installing window guards.
Ensure that your child's preferred toys or objects are accessible in a safe and supervised manner, reducing the need for him to throw them out of the window.
Anonymous: My 6-yr-old daughter has understood that if she shouts at the top of her voice, throw tantrums and cries then her bid will be done.
More so as we live in a joint family, where she has grandparents and uncles and aunts.
Nonetheless, during the pandemic, especially lockdown, it was me who gave her everything she asked for because I wanted her to remain safe at home and cut outside interaction. But now it has become problematic.
Becoming very tough suddenly doesn't look like as a solution.
What can be done so that she can be handled without giving rise to unnecessary hue and cry?
NO means no, for you as a parent and for your daughter.
If you have said no, please explain logically as to why you have done so.
Her father will convey it to the family that if your kid goes to anyone, they should say let’s ask your mom/dad.
Both you and your husband need to be on the same page when you say Yes or No.
Habits take six months to be made, unlearn and relearn. Please be consistent for the duration.
Crying needs hugs and conversations; avoid feeling upset as the child is already upset.
Nihit: My 8 yr old kid has anger issues. He is not able to accept any rejections.
He wants whatever he asks for.
If we say no to anything he gets hyper and starts beating and shouting.
When angry he doesn't listen to both of us (mom and dad). Please suggest.
Dear Parent,
Anger is an emotion which caters to fear and loss of control. Give a choice and not a command to let your son know that he has a choice.
Example, if your son says, 'I do not want to do homework,' you could say, 'Would you like to do half now and half after play time?'
Modelling helps. Accept his emotion but essential agreements are needed for accepted behaviour.
Showing as parents what you do to handle any strong emotions is needed.
Talking to each other as partners in appropriate tones is also needed.
Have family dinners where you discuss things each of you are grateful for and how you, as grown-ups, handle tough situations.
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