ASK ANU: How To Leave A Toxic Relationship

Toxic people are all around us. And they can cause us emotional and mental damage.
Mental health coach Anu Krishna explains how to deal with toxic, abusive, people and relationships.

Happiness is a state of mind. But it's also a choice.

If something or someone is constantly upsetting you, it's important to step back and understand what is bothering you.

In Part 1, mental health expert and NLP (neuro linguistic programming) trainer Anu Krishna explained how toxic relationships can wreck one's physical and emotional well-being.

In the concluding part of the interview, she discusses possible solutions and explains how to move out of a damaging relationship.

Interview: Divya Nair/Rediff.com
Videos: Rajesh Karkera/Rediff.com

When someone is making you unhappy, when a relationship becomes toxic, stop and take a breath. Ask yourself: How important is this person or relationship to you? 

Sometimes, you might feel it is a relationship you cannot live without.

Even under these circumstances, says Anu, it is important to let the other person know how you feel.

At the same time, she warns that "yelling and screaming will not help. If you are assertive and talk to them in a kind and calm manner, if the person listens to you or cares for you, we can hope that s/he will at least make an effort.

"Make them a part of your solutions. Ask what can we do together to make things right. Do not be afraid of the person or the consequences."

Does your boss or manager make you work late for no reason?

Have you noticed a certain pattern of behaviour someone metes out exclusively to you at home? It could be your husband, parents, siblings, a senior relative or maybe your in-laws.

In Anu's opinion, toxic relationships mostly involve "controlling the other person in some way simply because it satisfies controller's ego".

The immediate solution would be to call out the bully because bullies feel threatened when you stand up and confront them. 

Or you might be in a toxic relationship where you have no alternative but to live with or deal with the person every day.

In such cases, Anu says, have different social circles -- even if it is online -- can be useful.

"Spend more time outside (of work or home where you feel stuck). Indulge in developing relationships with people of your age group. create your own world of people with common interests. It will offer you a wider perspective," Anu suggests.

How often do you hear yourself say: I just want my peace of mind!

Remember, says Anu, "No one can rob your peace of mind without your permission."

If someone is robbing you of your happiness and peace and causing you trauma, it's only because you allow them to do so.

Listen to Anu's advice on how you can deal with the guilt you feel about a negative person who was once (or is still) very close to you.

Unusual headaches. A general feeling of discomfort or suffocation...

Do not ignore these signs, warns Anu.

If your body reacts differently around a certain person, it is telling you something's wrong because, in a healthy relationship, you won't feel insecure, inferior or uncomfortable.

Remember, you are responsible for your own happiness.

You do not have to stay in an abusive relationship because you want familiarity, stability and security.

"Be in a space where you are in charge of your life. Even if you have to part ways, do it amicably and with respect without hurting the other," says Anu.

• Read all of Anu Krishna's columns here!

Anu Krishna is a mind coach, author and co-founder, Unfear Changemakers LLP and Soulful Exploration LLP. She's an NLP Trainer (National Federation of Neuro Linguistic Programming, NFNLP, USA), Energy Work Specialist (Institute for Inner Studies, Manila), Executive Member of Indian Association of Adolescent Health (M.I.A.A.H) and Member of Quality Circle Forum of India (QCFI). She has authored the self-coaching book: The Secret of Life – Decoding Happiness.

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