How To End Affair With A Married Woman?

rediffGURU Anu Krishna offers advice on how to take charge of your life and relationships.

• You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.
  

Are you in love with a married man/woman?

Is it normal to lose physical intimacy in a relationship?

How do you move on from a relationship that is not working for you?

rediffGURU Anu Krishna, who is a mind/life coach and NLP trainer with over 18 years of experience in helping people understand and solve their problems, is the co-founder of Unfear Changemakers.

She offers expert advice about how you can take charge of your life and relationships.

• You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.
  
  

Anonymous: Respected Ma'am, I am a 49-year-old male, divorced for the last 15 years.
I had been in a relationship for a few years with marriage on the cards.
However, for some reason, her uncle objected and got her parents who were initially happy and agreeable to withdraw their consent.
Hence, this didn't work out and we parted ways amicably.
About three years back, I was approached by the wife of a friend whose marriage was going through a rough patch for some advice and help in getting her husband back on track. However, the husband refused to change ways and their marriage remains to be rocky. This lady and I got chatting often and we became friendly.
Only a few short weeks since we first met, she started visiting my house regularly.
I live alone and have no living relatives.
Initially these visits would be to go over prospective jobs for her husband and later on, this topic was completely ignored and we started chatting on friendly basis.
What started as small physical gestures soon developed into a major physical relationship.
This physical relationship has been going on for almost three years now.
Every time, she has a fight at home, she visits me and we end up getting physical. This happens almost twice a week.
In the meantime, I meet her husband almost daily and have to pretend as if everything is normal, all the time hiding this fact.
She doesn't want to divorce him and marry me despite being asked many times even though this itself shall be the cause of me being socially boycotted by all my friends.
She wants to continue having physical relations with me and wants our relationship to be simply for this reason.
I tried ending it often, but she would turn up at my door and I would have to take her in and we would again end up being physical.
I do not know what to do anymore even though I want to end this but she doesn't. Please advise. Thanks.

Dear Anonymous, kindly get out of this mess before you (and not just your friends) lose your peace of mind.

You are right in wanting to end things as it has been clear to you for a while now that this 'thing' that you have gotten into is not going anywhere.

The lady is absolutely clear about wanting you for her physical needs, a bit of attention and a lot of emotional caring.

Where does that leave you with? Nothing!

So be wise and do what you have been wanting to for a while.

Anonymous: I am married for 20 years and have a 13-year-old daughter, there is no physical connection with my wife for the last 10 years.
I have got into a relationship twice in last eight years. The first one didn't go through.
I am in my second relation now which I want to take it ahead for the rest of my life.
My wife knew about my first relationship and she has a doubt about my second relation.
Considering the non-co-operation in household activities and marital responsibilities, I decided to call it quits and asked for divorce.
She is adamant and not willing to give divorce saying that if she divorces me I will remarry and it should not happen that both of us are suffering.
Our parents tried their level best to patch us up but in vain. I am staying separately since a year.
What should be the next step in trying for mutual consent for the divorce?

Dear Anonymous, this may sound a bit harsh and judgmental to you but if there was trouble in the marriage, was it not possible to actually have a conversation with your wife about it?

After two relationships outside of marriage to escape the trouble, how did you assume that your wife is going to be excited about the prospect of a divorce?

It's always better to talk things through and agree mutually rather than go behind someone's back to get what you want.

The best option, since you have mentioned divorce, is to contact a lawyer and proceed as per their advice.

Priti: I am 48 years old woman and married for 11 years with a son of 9 years.
My husband changed his gender five years ago without our family's consent but disclosed it only three years ago.
I moved from my in-laws' place with my son. None of us filed for divorce. What should I do?
What should be the terms and conditions if I file for divorce? And how should I deal with my son?
Will this have an impact on him? Please advice.

Dear Priti, this is a question for a legal expert in case you are thinking of divorce as an option. The expert will be able to guide you accordingly.

Children do bear the brunt of their parents' separation but it can be handled with a lot of care.

Both the parents must be involved in his emotional highs and lows when he realises that his parents are not going to be living under the same roof any more.

It requires a lot of love, care and, most importantly, reassurance for him to know that he will never be ignored and will always have access to both parents.

Please talk it out with your spouse and come up with a plan that keeps in mind the child and his emotional well-being.

• You can post your questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.

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