How To Identify A Toxic Bestie

If your friend is constantly trying to make your successes seem not good enough in order to elevate her/his own, it will affect your self-confidence and cause self-doubt which is not a healthy sign, warns mental health coach Aamish Dhingra.

• How to identify a toxic relationship? Ask rediffGURUS HERE.
  
  

Do you have a friend who criticises you a lot?

Does s/he manipulate you very often?

Do you feel overwhelmed by her/his presence in your life?

How does you know if a friend you trust and spend time with is unhealthy for you?

While good friends support you, make you happy and are there when you need them, spotting a friend who may not have your best interests at heart can be challenging.

Here are a few warning signs that your friend is toxic.

1. Disparaging comments

If your friend is constantly criticising you, it is a sign of toxicity.

Maybe this friend always disguises her/his thoughts as a joke or pretends to tease you or reminds you of your weaknesses. This will gradually affect your self-confidence.

The solution

Directly communicate your feelings with your friend by talking to her/him and conveying that you feel hurt by their words.

2. Negative influence

If your friendship is stressing you emotionally, your friend is definitely trying to manipulate you and making you feel guilty for the way s/he is feeling.

The solution

Be proactive. Don't fall prey to their manipulative statements. Set clear boundaries.

3. Questionable presence

Trusting a toxic friend often becomes hard as they might be emotionally unavailable most of the time or not be there for you when you need them.

The solution

Be vocal about your feelings and explain how her/his unreliable nature affects your friendship on a deeper level.

4. Unhealthy competition

The typical sign of a toxic friend is their competitiveness which, if you notice, may be unfair at times.

If they are constantly trying to make your successes seem not good enough in order to elevate their own, it will affect your self-confidence and infuse self-doubt, which is not a healthy sign.

The solution

Open communication is necessary in any friendship; it is important to make the effort to mutually support each other and celebrate each other’s achievements instead of competing with each other.

5. Dominating behaviour

A friend who is toxic will try to control your decisions. Sooner or later, this may deeply affect your individuality.

The solution

Establish clear boundaries and tell your friend/s that independence is what you desire in friendship.

6. Playing the victim card

A toxic friend will always sound like a victim, making everything about themselves and not understanding your emotions.

The solution

Explain to your friend that you feel a general lack of empathy and that you desire stronger emotional bonds in your friendships.

7. Narcissistic personality

A toxic friend is always self-centric, focusing on her/his needs, issues and successes even as s/he makes you feel unimportant.

The solution

You need to tell your friend what you expect from her/him and the relationship and see if they are willing to make amends.

8. Envy

A toxic friend may try to isolate you from others and envy your other friendships or relationships.

The solution

Let your friend know that s/he can rely on your friendship but your commitment to other relationships is also important.

9. Unnecessary drama

A toxic friend is always complaining or creating drama to prove that something unpleasant that has happened is your fault.

The solution

Try to limit exposure to such an environment as far as possible and encourage positive conversation.

10. Gaslighting

An unhealthy friend can make you doubt your own feelings and perceptions, claiming that you are too sensitive.

The solution

To avoid any confusion, have a conversation with your friend.

You may consult or seek feedback from other friends so that you feel more confident while addressing your concerns.

For any healthy friendship, it is important that both persons in the relationship have good intentions towards each other.

Casual disagreements and conflict of opinions among friends are common.

However, to avoid long-term damage and to protect one's mental health, one must be aware of the above warning signs and take appropriate measures to address them on time.

• How to identify a toxic relationship? Ask rediffGURUS HERE.

Mental health coach Aamish Dhingra is the founder of Cocoweave International Coaching.