Custom dictates that a gift must be bought. Its worth is entirely up to your budget, your relationship with, and affection for, the couple.
But whatever your rapport or bond with them, you want one thing: a wedding gift that is cherished.
Here are a few (might I say radical), ways you can win in this situation and ensure that your money spent is well appreciated.
1. Be a sponsor
Now, this would be a great option only if you are really close to the couple. Your thoughtfulness would be much appreciated and remembered.
On the flip side, you must be ready to splurge.
But if there are a number of you pooling in to collect a huge amount of cash, it could make sense,
~ Sponsor part of the wedding
Are you in on the wedding plans? Then keep your ears open. You will need to get a grip on what the couple wants to do before you offer to pick up the bill.
Champagne or wine for the wedding? It will definitely ease the load on the couple's wallet. But ensure that it is only a small function and not one with 1,500 guests. Else, your wallet will groan!
Alternately, if the couple is throwing a special party for very close friends and relatives, you could sponsor it.
Another option would be to sponsor the wedding night at a swank five-star hotel.
Of course, these options must come only if the couple has expressed a desire to do so. Buying champagne may not be a good idea if the couple has no intention of serving it. Or you throwing a party could be a waste to the couple if they had no inclination towards another celebration.
Ask the couple where they are going and how much they are spending on travel and the hotel bookings and accordingly decide.
If they have not yet done the bookings but have only selected the location, visit your travel agent to check out options.
For instance, if you check out the travel web site Traveljini, you should get an idea.
You could get a holiday package for four days for Rs 3,250 per person. It would make a great gift. If the couple wants to stay on, they are free to do so at their own cost.
But when booking the package, check out what exactly is included and what is not, so the couple will not have any unpleasant surprises.
Looking overseas?
A five-day package to Thailand could cost around Rs 17,500 per person. The couple going abroad will have to get the dollars but you could pay the rupee equivalent.
You could also offer to pay for the airfare which is around Rs 11,215 per person (Bangkok-Mumbai-Bangkok). You could either pay for just one individual's ticket if you cannot (or do not want to) buy both.
Hollywood stars Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas gave their guests this option when they tied the knot. Their reason: they had everything they wanted (including plenty of millions in dollars), so a charitable trust would be a nice gesture.
But my advice to you: go slow on this one. A number of couples would like the gifts for themselves.
If the wedding invite specifically states 'No Gifts Please', you have to oblige. But if you still want to give something to the couple, suggest a donation to a charity.
Ask the couple to name a charity close to their heart (or a cause they believe in). Make a donation to that cause and inform the couple (send a card) saying you made a donation to the charity in lieu of the wedding gift.
This is a great gesture from your end, and it will make the couple feel very happy.
I once organised a wedding where the couple gave a note (along with the invitation) stating they do not want any gifts and suggested the name of the charity they would like the money to be donated to. But they left the option to donate to the invitees.
I repeat my earlier words of caution: Don't be too hasty with this option.
~ When to consider this gesturei. The couple has specifically said that they do not want gifts.
ii. The couple has a fully furnished home or is living with the in-laws and don't really need anything for their home.
iii. The couple is doing financially well enough not to mind this option.
iv. The couple has a charitable bent.
When confused, the 'wedding wish list' comes to the rescue.
A common tradition in the West, a wedding list is like a wish list of gifts the couple would like to receive. This has not really caught on in India.
For example, if a couple is setting up their own home, they may need a host of practical gifts. This could include kitchenware, bedroom linen, smaller items of furniture, electronics and maybe even house plants.
Even if the couple is not moving into their own home, they may still be able to come up with a combined list of various articles they would like to receive.
If you are very close to the couple, request them to give a wish list that can be circulated to very close friends and family. If they don't know how to go about it, here are some tips.
i. The items should preferably be from either one (or two) department stores.
ii. Request the store to maintain the list. As and when someone buys one for the couple, the store can cancel that item.
iii. If the store offers to deliver it to the couple directly with the giver's name, great! The couple must send a thank you note to the giver in this case to also verify that the gift reached.
iv. The list must include a range in terms of prices so that even those with low budgets can oblige.
v. The couple must insist it is just an indication and not a compulsory requirement.
If the couple does not want to put the list in the store, maybe they can put it up on their web site (if they have one).
If they really don't want to have a wish list, ask them which store they would like a gift voucher from. I know of a couple who wanted to make a few electronic purchases: microwave, television, music system and refrigerator.
They requested close friends to give them gift vouchers for a particular store in which they could buy them.
This way, they had the option to purchase whatever they wanted. The people making the gift could determine whatever amount they wanted to give. The couple only paid for the amount they were falling short of.
If you find the above too expensive, gift something of utility. Here are a few points to note:
i. If buying a painting, please take the couple along. Art that is not appreciated is a total waste of money. You may find it extremely appealing, they may detest it.
ii. When buying jewellery, keep the receiver's taste in mind. If it is not possible to get them to accompany you when shopping, take someone along who is familiar with their taste.
iii. If buying linen, drapes or lamps, ask the couple what sort of colour scheme they have for their house. If they have decided to paint their ceiling an electric blue, your selection in orange may look hideous.
If you are stuck for ideas, you don't have to gift on the wedding day.
I know a number of couples who informed their close family and friends what they really needed once they opened all the other gifts. This way, duplication is avoided.
These are just some guidelines on how you can use your imagination (and money) to surprise the bride and groom.
Many couples end up with gifts that are either stored in the loft, under the bed or in a cupboard. And, in some cases, the gifts are repacked and given to another unsuspecting couple.
Make sure that your gift does not face the same destiny.
Tejal Kadakia is a wedding planner assisting in the planning, management and coordination of weddings.